Thursday, January 30, 2014

a manifesto of character

I am the flick of the hand
that initiates a card trick-
The lilt of the fingers.
I am not the fingers,
but I am the lilt.
I know who I am
but not who I want to be-
I am sometimes strong,
but sometimes soft,
like melting butter.
I am brave…
I strive to not only
speak boldly,
but act boldly to match.
A single page changed me-
I am a girl who plays war
at the lunch table, 
I am the girl
who bets on the 
stack of cards 
in her hand
I believe 
that I’ve got nothing 
to lose
I am a person
who will play harp for
six years
suddenly buy a guitar
drop the harp and play guitar instead…
I know who I am now…
and I want to be her
for the rest of my life.
I want people to respect her
learn from her,
and listen to her,
because she is all I have
and though she isn’t much,
I build on her
and I work with her-
we are the same,
we are different.
I want to restrain her,
she is so wildly free…
I am cautious, I am
an unwitting sidekick.
She is like a ride-
running across the tracks
click, click, click…
and I am growing into her,
because I was small,
I was quiet,
she is in charge of people
and has the ability to mean business.
She is the adrenaline
pumping through me-
she begins, now, to make my decisions.
She cut my hair,
she pierced my ear.
I am her,
and she is me.
I’m not even sure anymore.
Is she the track,
and I’m the train, loyally falling behind?
or is she the train, 
jumping ahead?
In the end, the tracks control the train
so she
must be
the track.